Friday, November 4, 2011

I, Scorpio



So, today’s my birthday – again!  I don’t mind telling you I am pretty sick and tired of getting older.  But, considering the alternative, I have decided a good use of my time would be to analyze myself.  It’s okay.  It’s what I do.  Cuz I’m a Scorpio.

We Scorpio’s are well-documented and apparently well-known.  If I get sick of talking to a new stranger at a party, for instance, all I have to do is mention  I’m a Scorpio.  His eyes widen, there’s a quick intake of breath and the barely perceptible movement of his entire body backwards. Before I know it, he’s checking his watch and backing away toward the door.

Oh, yes, everybody seems to have been warned of the nasty sting we November women are capable of delivering.  What they don’t seem to understand is we don’t just run around stinging people unprovoked.  It’s only when somebody asks too many silly questions.  Or when they make some kind of backhanded insult they think is so clever.  Or when they act as if they don’t know what we’re talking about.  Or…

Well, let’s move on to another trait.  Intense.  Everything we do we do with every ounce of our being.  It sure is true of me.  I don’t know the meaning of giving up when I’m trying to solve a puzzle or figure out a mystery.  And when I’m in love, I love so hard I can barely stand myself.  It is all-consuming, ever-present and – regrettably – a bit unreliable.  It sometimes only takes one complete night of sleep for me to wake up having lost that lovin’ feelin.’ Intensely.

According to Linda Goodman and the rest of the star-gazers, Scorps are usually rather bright and more than a little curious.  My brightness is clearly a matter of opinion – ask my ex – but no one will deny the heights to which my curiosity rises. I seem to want to know everything for no particular reason.  I wear out the word “why” in a conversation, causing some to feel as if they are being interrogated instead of engaging in a friendly chat.

Tenacious?  Giving up is not something I do easily, if at all.  Long after everyone else has thrown up their hands and gone to bed, I will be up trying to assemble that piece of furniture I bought in a box, or rebuilding my entire hard drive on my computer because it has crashed with a virus.  The idea of calling someone in to do either of those tasks is morally repugnant to me.  So, people shake their heads at me a lot.

What I didn’t know before I did the research to write this post is Scorpios generally prefer to be alone or in very small groups.  They seldom seek out the company of others, although they do well socially when they have to.  Damned if that isn’t exactly the way I am! 

I used to think that astrology stuff was mainly for flower children and people who go around talking about karma, feng shui and such.  But everything I read today about the personality traits of a Scorpio sounded like a detailed description of me.  No wonder people regard me with skepticism.

The one trait that every article I read mentioned is contradiction.  Yes, I am secretive, stand-offish on occasion and a bit of a hermit; yet I was once elected Miss Congeniality in a beauty pageant.  You might think that was just a consolation prize – and maybe it was, because I sure didn’t win the pageant – but it was the only prize that was determined by votes of the contestants and not the judges, so I must have been considered personable.  I am an introvert, but I also enjoy assuming leadership roles in group projects.  I am outspoken and extremely direct – never ask my opinion if you are not ready to hear the unvarnished truth from me – but I am also sensitive and easily hurt.

I am delighted and relieved to say, however, there is one common Scorpio trait I don’t have:  revenge.  There are three types of Scorpios when it comes to revenge.  The first two will exact revenge on someone who offends them if it takes them the rest of their lives to do it.  My type, The Grey Lizard Scorpio, believes that others who offend them will be “gotten” by the fates, or the gods or whatever other forces there are that take care of the what-goes-around-comes-around duties.  Revenge is not my job.

One last thing.  I also figured out why I have been such a flaming failure in the marriage department.  Scorpios are least compatible with other Scorpios, Tauruses and Aquarians.  My first husband was a Scorpio.  The second is an Aquarius.  Who knew?

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